Are you allowing yourself to be contorted into a pretzel in order to maintain an unequal relationship? Are you too accommodating to your partner’s schedule and calendar? Do you find yourself meeting with friends and family at the very last minute just in case he/she might call and decide to spend time with you? Has your world shrunk instead of expanded because an unpredictable individual is the center of your universe?
If you can answer yes to any one of the above questions, there is a danger that you are allowing your life to become twisted into a pretzel-like configuration out of fear of losing the interest of your would-be lover. It takes brutal self-honesty to look deep within and accept if this is so. Denial is easier and it is less painful to make excuses for the inconsiderate behavior of the other person. Yet, the anxiety in the pit of your stomach, the urge to gorge on Ben and Jerry’s ice cream or nachos when alone, and the impulse purchases made on nearly maxed-out credit cards are all neon lights that your very real, important needs are not being met, and accommodating your lover is not working. That sweet accommodation is becoming bitter gall in your belly, causing you to lose sleep, spend money you can’t afford and put on weight to further erode your self-esteem.
Knowing what you want is important. Knowing how to negotiate and get what you want requires good communication tools which involve both listening with acceptance and understanding the other person’s point of view. It also requires courageous expression of your own position. Very often a bridge can be built upon which you can both meet at the center. This can happen only if you are willing to face the fear of loss dead on, knowing you will be fine should the other person walk away. Accepting less than an equal, fully-committed relationship is not only a waste of your time, it becomes the major block to finding happiness and love with a partner available to love you as you truly deserve.
Any fear that the current individual could be your last chance, or “who would want me anyway,” are crippling notions which the sooner discarded, the better.
“You are a child of the Universe. No less than the moon and the stars, you have a right to be here.” Meaning … dreams and wishes are part of the human experience and are meant to be fulfilled according to the Laws of Attraction.
With courage, self-knowledge, compassion and new tools of communication, it is possible to achieve your heart’s desire. The Self begins to undergo the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly. The butterfly sets to flight. The relationship will out of necessity have to change for the better because you will fly away if it doesn’t. That’s an entirely different mindset from being afraid that someone will walk out on you.
